I am feeling rather alone myself tonight and bored while I sit here on my second night off of work and nothing to do. I think my problem now is the fact that I moved to an entirely new state 8 hours from where I used to live and the only person I really know and trust is my cousin who is my roommate but who I only see for like 2 hours each day because of us being on opposite work schedules and she works long hours. But aside from that I am 22 and have also never really been in a relationship. I've been on dates but never with the right person and I realized this after 2 or 3 'dates'. The first guy was too quiet and a friend's brother, the second guy was someone who I worked with overnight where I used to live and he just...i can't even explain ...but he was my first kiss. So I can say I had that experience but they definitely weren't the ones we all dream about. <br /> <br /> I know every day I see couples and think about how nice it would be to be with someone who would love me like they love each other. And I watch those romantic movies, not like that helps me any. I know that the only way I'm going to meet anyone who will make it so i'm not feeling so alone is if I venture out...but at the same time I am still trying to find myself. <br /> <br /> I think whats also holding me down is the last guy I liked who I truly believe really liked me. I also worked with him but the problem was he just got out of a bad relationship where he had just had a kid with her ...and for a majority of the pregnancy he didn't even know if the baby was his. And he finally found out just for her to fully leave him and go for another guy(who just happened to be the other potential father). And the whole time I was thinking I don't want to be the rebound but I still liked him and had to work with him more often so there was no getting away from it. And then i decided it was time to move because he was 'still trying to figure his own life out' . Which meant he obviously still had feelings for her. I even got to the point about a week ago where I've been wondering if I dont text him that he'll miss me and admit he wants me to come back. A day later I told myself to let it go and we can be friends. He's someone I wouldn't want to lose completely. <br /> <br /> So in all I've been feeling more alone than I had before. But reading this did help some. I'm glad I randomly decided to check in on Ala and this particular forum and thread. Thanks to everyone who put in their thoughts and opinions. I need to remember to have the patience and to live my life...I just need to do it within my budget. ;) Or find a better job and then do it. Haha

---

I believe that Ravette has it right on. Don't waste your youth worrying about whether or not you're alone. This is your prime time to learn as much as you can about the world and yourself, before the disappointments that happen to everyone start to wear on you, and holding them at bay becomes a struggle. It sounds depressing, I know, but the more you have accomplished - and I'm talking about accomplishments that are important to you, not to everyone else - while you're young, the more you will have in reserve for the times when life truly throws curve balls at you.<br /> <br /> I can tell you one thing for sure: if you let your fear of being alone, or of your life spiraling out of control because of a mistake you made, you WILL make a mistake that you will regret. Either you'll jump into a relationship for the sake of being in one, or you will become too paranoid to make any decision at all.<br /> <br /> So, my advice to you: just live. Make mistakes. Learn from them. And you know what? It's not so bad to be 40. I speak from the far side of it. I came very, very close at 19 to getting married and having children, and right on the brink of it all, some sense of who I really am managed to surface and pull me back. I spent my 20s and 30s, instead, doing things like racing mountain bikes all over the country, making friends with all kinds of interesting people, getting into relationships, getting my heart broken when they ended, and always, always learning from each experience and adding it to my character. I can tell you without a doubt that I am more tolerant, educated, a better friend, and know myself much better than if I had followed the path of fear.<br /> <br /> I did marry, finally, at 41, after discovering the right person when I was 35. My son was born six months later. I am more than okay with that: I have had half a lifetime's worth of fascinating experience and cannot wait to share it with my child as he grows up. I realize you may not want children; it's just an example of why it's perfectly okay not to fit the expected norm. More than okay, actually. Anyone who breaks the mold is the better for it; that is the life lesson I have solidly learned.<br /> <br /> So, live. Embrace good times and bad ones. Learn from them both. Become you, and you will be amazed at what possibilities open up for you.

I'm in a similar place! I'm very nearly 23 and I've been in one relationship (at the beginning of this year) that lasted 2 weeks before he stopped talking to me. The one before that, we weren't even "officially" dating before he dumped me for a girl he swore he was just friends with (ha! *cynical*). And in high school, I almost kind of went out with this guy, but he stopped talking to me as well. So I definitely get the frustration and feelings of "I'll end up alone. I'll be alone forever. D:" I feel those too :c<br /> <br /> But! You are <i>only</i> 20, so you have quite a bit of time ahead of you. My cousins (4 female cousins) were all in their late 20s before finding steady relationships. One was married around 28 and another was married around 30. One is now 34 and in a relationship, and another is 29ish and moving in with her boyfriend. <br /> <br /> You've got time :) (I keep having to remind myself of this too - because some days I'll wake up and just be like "Why am I conscious. I have no one who wants me to be conscious today. Maybe I'll just curl back up and pretend nothing's real...")

I'm glad I was able to open your eyes then =) 4yrs isn't too long. Like I said.. I totally get what you mean about falling behind. But everyone has their own pace. I sometimes watch wedding shows and a lot of the brides are in their 30s ^^<br /> <br /> And someone wanting to use someone for sex shouldn't be on your radar if you want something meaningful =). College kids can be pretty bad.. xD Heck anyone can.<br /> <br /> You can play with a fish with a ping pong ball? I did not know this! xD I think I'd scare my fish trying it though xDD

thanks forr the kind words. And the whole "dating as a child" statement really opened my eyes up, thank you :)<br /> <br /> I never really thought it that way ^^<br /> <br /> I guess it is mainly that it's becaue everyone is off doing things already that I feel like I'm behind, but I feel a bit better knowing that these same people have fallen out of their relationships.<br /> <br /> I'm definitely ging to try and wait patiently, and hopefully prince charming does come.<br /> <br /> ((The asexual thing was because a lot of people, especially in college, want you for sex.))<br /> <br /> <br /> (( You play with a fish by using a ping pong ball xD ))

First off Al, you can't count 20yrs since you couldn't be dating as a child. Its more like only 4yrs (setting 16yrs as a standard). Is your main concern because you turned 20? 20 is not that old. What I noticed turning 20 though, was a lot of my cousins close in age were getting married and one of my friends was almost engaged. It's things like these that make it feel like you are old and behind everyone else. You are not behind Al =). In this day and age, its very common for women to be focusing on school and getting careers before men. I know some people that haven't dated yet that are a little older than 20.<br /> <br /> Seriously I wouldn't worry about it. Focus on your school and hang out with your friends. If you really want to date, you could always ask people out yourself. You don't have to wait for someone to come to you. Side note: be aware of what your body language is saying. I tend to sit in a way where its clear I don't want to be bothered and people will stay away because of that. You have to look like you can be approached and are friendly. Looking like you are having fun and are a fun person will draw more people in. Join clubs in what interests you and maybe you'll find people with similar interests you may want to get to know better.<br /> <br /> As for the asexual thing, why is that anyone's business other than a perspective partner? I feel like it's as personal as saying what position you like. Whether you like or do not like sex is not anyone's business but you and your partners. Who knows, maybe if you find the right person you'll discover otherwise? I remember I thought that of myself before I was with someone. I still am not very sexual but not quite to the point of asexual. <br /> <br /> Anyways Al, try not to sweat it too much. There are good and bad things about dating but there is no rush. There are tons of people like you and it doesn't mean you'll end up alone =) Unless you are wanting a kid and your biological clock is ticking, relax and enjoy your life. <br /> <br /> <br><br /> [edit] How do you play with a fish? Just wondering xD

---