I've had two miscarriages this year. It has eaten me alive knowing my body is rejecting something that I so desperately want. I have been TTC for 7 years now and have never had a pregnancy until I conceived in late December of 2014. I lost that pregnancy in February. I had mixed emotions, part of me glad that I was finally able to actually conceive! Another part grieving that I lost my child. It didn't seem possible that it would ever happen again.
And then it did. In June I found out I was expecting again. This time, I didn't rush and tell anyone. Just my partner and I. In early July, I yet again lost my child. My heart broke. Ever since I have not been able to be myself. I've been deeply depressed. I haven't wanted to eat, leave the house, or see any of my family/friends. I hate myself and hate my body. It seems like such a sick joke.

I have PCOS. Which basically means I have cysts on my ovaries that cause me not to ovulate. It comes with a slew of other issues, such as weight gain, trouble losing weight, excessive male pattern hair growth, and other things. I just feel absolutely worthless and disgusting.