Hi. :D I used to play, but uhh... That was literally OVER A YEAR AGO. XD(on a different account. ^-^) Sooooooooooooooooo... o3o Don't ask me.

BTW: If anyone wants, you can IM me, message me. :D


( Below is only made for me, pretty much. I am now using this so I can remind myself. ^-^ )









{Overall: ƉѲИ'Ƭ ĴƲƉǤЄ ѦЄ! :3}









Who I am:
Around my parents, and family members - I am that nice, calm girl. The youngest one. The one you see has happy, giggly, you know. The one that says the least of long, deep conversations. The one the rarely look at. The one you don't really notice, because she doesn't really stand out. The one you almost... Ignore...?

Around my friend(singular) {Veronica, my bff} - I am goofy. I try to make funny jokes, but they just come out wrong... And you make fun of me for that. I am the one who makes you laugh. I am the one who makes you throw out that nagging feeling of sadness, and bring in an amazing feeling of joy. I'm that one you've known for YEARS. The one you love, and know. I'm the one to treat like a sister. I'm the one you fight with, like a sister. I'm the one you address with "sister from another mister". I'm the one you could write a book and a half about...

But could you? Could you REALLY? These are the things you see me as... These are the things I AM.

I was - The kind girl. The funny girl. The silly girl. The joking girl. The chubby little girl that brightened a room. The girl with her head held high. The girl with confidence of a strong oxen. The girl that felt like a show dog. The girl with the highest potential. The girl everyone knew would be a great person one day. The girl people could see changing the world.

I changed to - The girl that slowly smiled less often. The girl that didn't want to be seen, when crying. The girl that didn't like to be alone, but didn't like being around people. The girl that felt so socially awkward, that she would hang her head. The girl whom never wanted to be called any names, not even compliments. The girl that slowly... Very... Very slowly... Missed the fact that she was a good person, a little tipsy on the scale, but a good person... And only faced the fact that she wasn't a beauty queen. The girl that changed, suddenly, but no one realized.

I am - The girl who hides for as long as she can. The girl that pretends to go outside, or in the bathroom, to cry and release her fears. The girl who just tries to escape the haunting reminders of her ugly past. The girl who regrets seeing herself when she wakes up. The girl who regrets meeting her best friend. The girl who regrets being born... I am no longer the happy-go-lucky person I was. I changed, and still... To this day... No one has realized that I've changed...
When I fake smiles, everyone seems happy. When I stand strong, everyone keeps up going onward. When I fall, from pretending I was strong, everyone is still standing. Everyone ignores that I've fallen, because they don't usually look over. They don't usually look for me, so they don't see me.

^ Why did I write this? I wrote this for me. Because I am who I am. I am only one person. I am a mere preteen girl, whom is filled with nothing but fears and tears. I am ignored. I am glad that I was diagnosed. ^

Why was I born with the future of DEPRESSION? Why was I born to be BIPOLAR? Why was I born to be GREAT, then FALL? And most of all... Why was I born such a GOOD LIAR?

~PL9 (The girl who fakes joy, so you don't see the pain.)

About my BFF!

Well, my BFF {V} is one reason why I am still trying to survive. There are actually a few people. My brother, my bff, my... Well... A couple, a few... Anyway, I have known V for about... Well, actually... 5 years, as of April 7th! :) It's going to be an awesome day! In those soon-to-be 5 years, I have worked hard to be the best I could. I knew her for about 9 months, then... She moved. That may actually have been what made me wake up... I was about 9 1/4. She moved, and moved, and moved... For about a year and a half, I just gave up on her. Her mom is bipolar, so she couldn't stay living in one spot for a long time. Poor V is turning 12 in a little under 3 months... She has moved 28-32 times in her life. She told me a few times, but I don't remember. It was 28 or 32, for sure. She finally moved back here, not too far from where I live. It was great to see her again, but... It has been about a month since she moved down here... And while she was here(she comes over for weekends, and she came over spring break), I kind of abandoned her, and hid in the bathroom. My mom wasn't used to someone like V 'living' in our house. My mom(grandmother, but we shall refer her to mom) was under EXTREME STRESS, and needed a lot of help. I was slipping into Depression a little more everyday(happens pretty often. Lasts, for me, about 2-3 weeks. And comes around every... 2 months. All the other time, I just feel numb.) and, of course, my mom doesn't/didn't know that. And V has been raised to pretty much mother her siblings. So she helped my mom a LOT, and then... -sigh- My mom ended up calling me a few names, such as "lazy"(which I instantly burst into tears every time someone points that finger at me.), so... Like I said, I 'abandoned' V and hid in the bathroom, so she wouldn't see me crying. In these 5 years... V has never, not once, seen me crying. I would rather DIE than her see me cry, anyway! But as I was saying, I stayed in there about 30 minutes. I tried every few minutes to stop crying, and get myself back out, and help my mom... But I couldn't, I would stand up, look at myself, and just start sobbing. I ended up spending about 10 MORE minutes trying to get rid of the redness of my face, and my stuffy nose. That actually happened twice... In a matter of 3 days.

Usually, I cry like that about... Once in the entire 2-3 week span. It's awful. But don't get me wrong, it is nice to just release that. I am a very quiet person. I don't talk about my feelings... My mom and other family members PRESSURE me about that all the time about that. About my Depression, my Depression is different than others. I got my feeling of emotions from my father(not my grandfather, my REAL dad.) He is a very 'cold', 'heartless' person. He can be very kind, and loving at times though. He tries his best to be a real father to my little brother... My little brother is 8, and he is my father's 8th child. Of my father's 8 children, not a one has be raised to the age of 18. I am child number 7. I, for the longest time, just felt like a NUMBER to my parents(not grandparents.) I realize now, that was just a 'phased feeling'. Anyway, my real parents are in my life, yes. I just live with my mother's mother and father. For... My mother was 21 when she had me, and was no where NEAR ready to be a real mother... She has 2 older siblings, and a younger... Not a one of them bothered to help me. I was being raised in a family of 5, with a GREAT future... Of DOOM. If my grandparents had not of stepped in, and removed me from my parent's home, I would be... I don't even know! I am afraid to find out, too! My little brother has epilepsy. Look it up if you don't know what that is... I believe I should end now... You just about get my life, don't you?



Now that that's over... :D Send me a stud request, look around, maybe even help me train Rantu?! ^-^ THANK YOU ALL WHO HAVE HELPED TRAIN HIM!!!!!!!!!! I cannot explain my gratitude to you! :D