Heh, sorry for not replying, dudes.. but I've read all your replies :)<br /> [ahahah look at me, too shy to reply in a thread about social anxiety]<br /> <br /> <i>"My Dad seems to think it's just me being shy and his response to "Public speaking is a nightmare for me" is "I used to be that way, then I realized that no one in the audience really cares, and that made it so much easier! Just don't think about it and remember to breathe."</i><br /> My dad does this too, he says the EXACT SAME THING.<br /> UGGHHH I HATE IT

---

I've been meaning to go see the campus psychologist/psychiatrist (can't seem to keep straight who's who) but have been putting it off because - surprise - it makes me insanely anxious. The idea of calling to set up an appointment makes me shaky, thinking about walking to the building I've never been to before and talking to the people there makes me sweat, and I just keep putting it off :/ <br /> <br /> I've never been diagnosed with anything (mostly due to the fact that I avoid doctors at all costs >.>). My Dad seems to think it's just me being shy and his response to "Public speaking is a nightmare for me" is "I used to be that way, then I realized that no one in the audience really cares, and that made it so much easier! Just don't think about it and remember to breathe." It doesn't work for me - just makes me more nervous. And when I tell him that, he just says I'm not trying hard enough. Actually, me giving presentations is a pretty horrendous sight. I shake (knees and hands both!), I'm sweating, and I stumble over words. I get lost in my notecards and forget what I wanted to say. My ears start kind of ringing (not so much ringing as just feel like they're full of cotton) and I get what I call tunnel-vision - everything blacks out except for a little bit right in the center of my vision. When I sit down, I can't remember what I just said. Talking in class nearly kills me and all of my professors expect us to talk in class - I get marked down at the end of the semester for lack of class participation, but sometimes just showing up to class is enough to send me into an anxiety attack.<br /> <br /> I've got the same problem with compliments that a lot of you folks mentioned - I can't bring myself to give them and I can hardly stand receiving them. Like, when I'm volunteering at the shelter and someone says "It's so amazing of you to do this" I don't know what to say. Thank you? It's no problem? I love it? I usually just smile and run the other direction >.&lt;<br /> <br /> I'm okay at dealing with people when I'm in an authority situation and are more qualified than them. I work in the writing center on campus and handle it okay (thought it's my 4th year - for my whole first year, I was a nervous wreck every time I had a session with a student). I also do data entry and write SEO blogs - thankfully both of these can be done without too much people-interaction. I also feel I'm highly qualified to tell new shelter volunteers when they're doing something wrong (I've been there 7 years, after all - I know the ropes!).<br /> <br /> Another thing, I have a seriously difficult time forming relationships. I can be social if I really force myself, but no matter how hard I try, my mind always gives up on getting close to someone before I actually manage to get close to them. It's really frustrating... And the one time I forced myself to be open with someone, it turned out he was seeing me and someone else. *sigh* That did wonders for the anxiety. Now I'm having a hard time convincing myself to care enough to get over relationship-induced anxiety. :c<br /> <br /> I feel like I should probably check out the campus psychologist/psychiatrist/person.<br /> <br /> Oh goodness.. I'm sorry for the mini-novel D:<br /> <br /> ETA (cause I just had to make it longer :P): Recently another volunteer got mad at me because (in her words) I treat her like dirt and I never say hi to her. I don't say hi to anyone - it's one of those things that makes me feel super awkward. I say "Hi!" and then ... what? Do I keep walking? Say something else? And I'm pretty sure I've never treated her like dirt - I may not like the woman, but I make it a point to be civil to everyone, my opinions of them aside. But apparently something in my anxiety-ridden behavior has caused her to create a scenario in which I'm a horrible, mean, back-stabbing person. And this makes me more anxious. x.x

---

Also Inno... a lot of the things you said remind me of myself as well... I have a really hard time letting people in and I'm constantly on guard because of bad experiences in the past with bullies and friends stabbing me in the back etc... but I had social problems before most of that happened... it just got worse and worse with each bad experience. <br /> <br /> But my defense mechanism is talking x.x I blab things sometimes that I wouldnt normally say to try to explain why I'm acting "crazy" like being bullied etc... I get so nervous I talk super fast and people look at me like I'm nuts x.x<br /> <br /> Also... I too have an anger problem... just last week I screamed at one of my neighbors for using 3 of the 4 washing machines in our laundromat when there are more than 10-20 apartments in this thing that have that ONE laundromat to use... I really needed to do my laundry tho and he made me so mad I just screamed at him the second he came in and started taking his clothes out of the washers x.x if he hadnt of stayed calm while talking to me and apologizing I wouldnt have been able to calm down and say I was sorry for yelling at him. But I was so mad....<br /> <br /> also I tend to punish myself [not on purpose.. I cant control it x.x] with constantly repeating situations... like for example... after the laundry incident I repeated what I said to myself like idk how many times going over it constantly and I couldnt stop myself [I have a bit of OCD too I think... I also wash my hands a ton but I havent been diagnosed]........<br /> <br /> I do this a lot... it's taken a really REALLY long time for me to get over things that happened to me in Junior high... and I'm 22 now... gonna be 23 this year... that was such a long time ago you'd think it wouldnt bother me... but I still dream about things and randomly they pop back into my head sometimes and I find myself second guessing what I did back then and trying to work it out in my head if maybe I'd done something different then maybe those things wouldnt have happened. It's really annoying and I hate it x.x I got so frustrated the other night with the laundry stuff... my bf was standing in the kitchen when I was saying it to myself and I just yelled "Why cant I stop thinking about it?" and my hands were in fists... I really wanted to start ripping my hair out x.x

I have no idea if I definitely have it or not since I've never been to a psychiatrist or anyone to get it diagnosed but I think I have some form of Social anxiety. It's worse in front of crowds of people when I'm the center of attention... an example:<br /> <br /> Sophomore year in High School we had to give a speech on a topic of our choice... I struggled with trying to even choose a topic because I was scared and freaking out about talking in front of our small class of maybe 20 students? idk...<br /> <br /> But I went up there and I tried anyway.... should not have done it x.x<br /> <br /> I was stuttering, I couldnt even hear myself because my ears were ringing and I had the teacher on one side of the room saying she couldn't see what I was doing [showing everyone how to draw a face] and then the class couldn't see.. etc. So I was freaking out the entire time, couldnt even hear myself etc.... I started shaking and sweating and I couldnt control the volume of my voice [the teacher kept saying she couldnt hear me and to speak up x.x] and I was hyperventilating and freaking out... pretty much a full blown panic attack but without the fainting... I was freaking out so bad I almost started bawling my eyes out. But if that wasnt bad enough... she told us we had to do it AGAIN for finals x.x<br /> <br /> Needless to say... I didnt even bother researching or picking a topic and completely skipped the final. She asked me point blank if I had a speech prepared and I shook my head no and put my head on my desk x.x Everyone was staring at me D: <br /> <br /> I hated English class just because of the speeches... let alone raising my hand to answer a question or reading out loud... that I got extremely nervous with as well. <br /> <br /> I cant compliment people in person similar to what Kaitie said as well because I feel awkward and that they might take it the wrong way... I sometimes find myself saying things then realize that how I said them sounds kind of rude even tho that's not how I meant them... I cannot for the life of me word things properly while speaking out loud... it's even hard to explain what I'm thinking/feeling to my boyfriend of 4 years. My sister and my mom both get mad at me because they dont understand that I'm not trying to argue with them but just trying to tell them how I'm feeling about things... and my sister calls me annoying constantly... so of course that doesnt help that I feel like a total idiot and I have zero friends in real life.... I actually dont think I've ever had a true friend in real life... every person I ever thought was my friend I've just realized recently, barely knew me... I tend to hide myself away and only show/tell people what I want them to see/know about me... and most of the time it ends up making me look like a crazy person x.x

---

I never make eye contact with anyone. For me I find it rude, but for most of the world it's something polite.<br /> <br /> My mom will never take me to see a therapist. She's very bias and if her children aren't perfect, well then you're not her child.<br /> <br /> I think I do have SAD, but then if I ask myself that I wonder if I am actually SAD. <br /> <br /> This is currently causing me to wuss out on trying to talk to this girl in my gym class to be her friend.

---

Katie: Long story short, I started kindergarten at the age of 4, and both my kindergarten and first grade teachers should never have been teaching small children. On top of that I needed glasses, but no one realised that untill 6th grade, so for kindergarten-6th (I failed 2nd or 3rd as well, so 8 years) I couldn't read the chalk board at all. I was put on ritalin in late 1st grade, because they thaught I simply wasn't paying attention. <br /> when I was around 7 my mom started seeing my future step dad, when I was 8, she had my sister, and when I was 9 we moved half way across the country to a tiny town full of closed minded people, 500 miles from the nearest person we knew, and I was very abruptly taken off ritalin.<br /> My step dad and two step brothers hated my guts, I don't know why. And all three became emotionally and almost physically abusive, and my mom seemed completely oblivious to it.<br /> there was an enormous culture shock when I started school. Because we were raised almost entirely differently, in completely different enviroments, there was absolutely nothing I and the other kids had in common. picking on me became everyones favorite thing to do at recess, and the teachers did nothing, because they were almost all related to one another.<br /> when I was 12, my real dad was linked to a rape/murder that happened a year before I was born, and was sentenced to prison. it was an enormous deal, it was a front page story in the denver post, and I was even further picked on, and ostracised.<br /> shortly after that, we moved again a few towns over. The kids in this school weren't as cruel, but we still had no common ground, so they left me alone, and I left them alone. But my special-ed teacher was the kind of insecure, tyranical, narcistic person you would think only exsisted in poorley done movies. She practically had the entire school kissing her rear, because she was sleeping with the entire male staff. I had her for 5 hours each day, untill 9th grade, and thats when I 'dropped out'.<br /> I wanted to enroll in a free online home schooling program, so that I could finish high school without the stress of dealing with people. they even had computer sciences and programming classes, wich I was and still am very interested in, but my step dad wouldn't let me, and never gave me a good reason why not.. My mom went behind his back and ordered the application, and then he had the internet turned off. When I later got an OK to try it, they informed me that I was to old for the program, and couldn't enroll. shortly after this my mom lost her mind, and she still refuses to seek help, or even admit she has a problem. About two years ago my step dad died of heart failiure related problems, and while I didn't WANT him dead, I have to say that I don't miss him in the least, and I'm glad I don't have to deal with him anymore.<br /> <br /> Sorry that was much longer than I thaught it would be.

I do still hate talking on the phone. e.e <br /> I thought I just had a weird phobia.

Can I ask what the experiences were Thy? I used to be very social as a kid and never seemed to have a problem (except getting in trouble for being too social in class) but as I got older I was told from one of my closest friends that everyone thought I was irritating and other not so pleasant comments that stacked and eventually I stopped really talking to people all together and I have a hard time holding a friendship now. <br /> <br /> Oh my gosh the phone.. I hate talking on it too. I put off scheduling things for weeks because I don't want to use it. I feel like I'll sound like an idiot or won't be able to understand them right. <br /> <br /> I did manage to get a job when I had gotten out of a depression I was having earlier and began feeling a little more confident but I tried hard has heck to stay away from the store phone and I didn't talk to customers unless they had questions or something. I was surprised I could even get a job with how nervous I got. I guess though the manager tended to hire women that came dressed up for the interview. He had some belief that if a male was in charge, it was easier to have females in lower positions OR if a female was in charge, to have men in lower positions. Iunno. He was later fired for flirting with girls and having sex with one of the coworkers xD. An assistant manager was promoted.<br /> <br /> I had a hard time doing my first ringing on the cash register. The assistant manager ran through training way to quick and then dumped me in front of a customer. My hands were shaking and I couldn't remember anything he said or find the right keys ;___;. Lucky for me my first day was only 2hrs or so. <br /> <br /> This store was in the mall and do you know how often I go to the mall? Never. The mall is probably one of my most uncomfortable places with all those people. My job actually helped me feel better about going in there. <br /> <br /> Inno, like when someone gives you bad news you just kind of remain silent and don't say anything? Or how to carry on a normal conversation? I do those things if that's what you mean. I feel incredibly awkward when I don't know what to say. It is a lot better with family and my one close (and only) friend.

I've been diagnosed with it, as well as Adult Separation Anxiety disorder, so I am a bit of a toss up at any given point. I'm not on any medication, entirely by choice.<br /> <br /> I'm a person who is very confident and a seasoned public speaker, I'm a mock trial attorney and the best thing for me has honestly just been being involved with it. Law has always been my passion - and I'm going to become a real attorney - which would obviously be incredibly difficult for someone like me.<br /> <br /> When I was a freshman in high school, I was going into my first year at a public school. I spent pre-school through eighth grade with the same six kids at the same small school, I had zero social skills. I was timid and nervous to the point of becoming physically ill. I'd literally call out sick some days because I just couldn't handle being in class with and walking among so many unfamiliar people. <br /> <br /> But, I had a law teacher at the time who I adored, and he told me about our school's mock trial team. For those who don't know, mock trial is a program in which students prepare a case, stand in as attorneys and witnesses, present their cases before a real judge and jury and compete in real courtrooms. <br /> <br /> I really, really wanted to join the team despite being incredibly scared to do it because I was just so passionate about it. I tried out and got placed on the senior team my first year. Once I got into it and realized that I was really talented - the fear completely went away. I'll get up in front of anyone now and talk. Being surrounded by large groups of people I don't know is still a bit weird for me, but through mock trial I gained the confidence I needed to start willingly facing it.<br /> <br /> My advice is to find a social activity you're good at, and you can go anywhere from there. c:<br /> <br /> <br /> Edit;;<br /> The way I learned best to deal with it is honestly just breathing, (We had real attorneys come in this year and help train us, and they're fresh out of law school so I was nervous that they'd still be judging me.) which had never previously worked for me. But when I was up against a wall and freaking the hell out, just focusing on that was enough for me.<br /> <br /> I don't even get nervous when I'm in competition now. It's bomb.

---