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Mahou
#184 • 334 views
Posted: 2012-07-29 05:37:37
#11288
Learning what Love is
Heyo all, this is sort of a thread that is OK for the general board, but I'd like more adult talk which is why I'm posting it here. For a quick back history, I'm 21 (almost 22), the guy I'm going to be talking about is 24, we are in no way children :)
Basically, this is the first time I've ever been in a relationship where I've actually thought of, dreamed of, a "forever." I've had plenty of relationships before, but I always assumed we'd be broken up within a few months/a year, and never thought past that. I thought that way at first with this guy, but slowly my thoughts have changed.
Now, before I get too far into this: we've only been dating a little over a month, but I've known him over a year. I'm not talking that I'm considering marriage already or anything, but I am thinking about that in a LONG TERM sense. Which is what is amazing to me. I've never, ever considered moving in with any previous boyfriends, but with him I mean... it's to the point where I'm trying to decide if I'd be OK moving to where he lives or if I want him to move to me or if we want to live in some random place. Again, this isn't immediate or anything.
We are taking it slow, especially because we both do live in separate areas. We are only about 5 hours from each other, but I don't have a license or a car and he has to use his car to drive his dad and two sisters to work and back so he can't exactly leave. It has been really hard for us both, as he's trying to find a day time job (hard for him due to some mistakes he's made) and I already have a job working 3rd shift (10pm-7am) so we don't get to talk all that much, which sucks.
However, we do have a date set for our first meet-up :D I just have to decide if I want to fly there or take a Greyhound. I've never flown before, and I've never taken that long of a bus trip (over 12 hours on the bus Dx) so I have NO idea what the better option is...
Even though we do have some rough spots we're dealing with, I have told him and myself repeatedly that as long as we can make it through the bad times, it's just going to make the good times that much sweeter.
I'm sending him a "care package" soon, as soon as I manage to find time to buy the stuff I want to put into it haha. I'm really excited for what he says when he gets it :D
Anyway, I guess the main 'point' of this thread (besides swooning over how in love I am xD) was to see if anyone else has had a moment where they've noticed their thought process changed from a few months ahead to a "forever." How did it turn out for you? Are you still with that person? Any advice or suggestions you have? This is the first time I've felt this way!
Replies
Wolfkai
#111792 • 2012-11-27 13:24:18
#111792
Situations with the "forever feeling" are always different. Sometimes it goes away and sometimes it stays there for, well, for forever xD. I am currently with a pretty amazing man and I had the forever feeling about a month into our relationship. We have been together almost a year and marriage is in our future.<br /> <br /> I also believe in the not really knowing someone until you live with them but sometimes they don't change. My boyfriend and I live together and he hasn't changed from when I knew him before him moving in. It depends on the person, situation, environment, and all that jazz.<br /> <br /> And @Alaya, I really would get on the ball about telling your parents. To me I believe the man should ask their significant others' father, or mother in some cases, before proposing. That is just my opinion but family plays a big roll in things and it helps sometimes. <br /> <br /> That's my two cents :D
Alaya Hatake
#111341 • 2012-11-17 13:04:04
#111341
Yeah, and I think I know what to do now. Hopefully, Mahou, things will work out just fine for you :) But definitely see how it's going to go maybe staying with them for a few days. Sometimes you see their true colors within that time :) Hopefully he's a rainbow for you :) And now I have to go set things right to save a closely bonded relationship. I have hurt people and I need to make that right. Good luck to you, Mahou. :) Hopefully it works out for you.
Alcemistnv [567 candy corns]
#110442 • 2012-10-15 17:21:22
#110442
I guess that's true Clay.<br /> <br /> I was just thinking that it was weird to be engaged and be worried about family, but then I realized that it is possible.
Steaks
#110398 • 2012-10-13 23:30:39
#110398
<b>"@Alaya, wait, you're engaged, but you're worried about your family knowing you're together again?<br /> Not to be rude, but you're family shouldn't really decided who you love, especially if you're already engaged, UNLESS you're young."</b><br /> <br /> This isn't the way all families work, some families won't agree with a marriage based on how the other person is, lives, ethnicity, skin colour, gender, sex, age, etc.. It isn't about "you're an adult, your parents can't tell you who you can be with", it's about family finding out, not agreeing, and isolating or even abandoning the person.
Alcemistnv [567 candy corns]
#110391 • 2012-10-13 12:33:42
#110391
@Alaya, wait, you're engaged, but you're worried about your family knowing you're together again?<br /> <br /> Not to be rude, but you're family shouldn't really decided who you love, especially if you're already engaged, UNLESS you're young. <br /> <br /> I myself wouldn't have taken him in after the first two times. I always tell people, he did it once, he'll do it again. And everyone who has followed my advice has gotten along just fine. Those who havn't are still trying to hold onto a relationshpi that just does't work.<br /> <br /> <br /> As for the whole true love thing. I just don't belive in it. I mean, I am only 19, but I still feel like I'd have a taste of it by now. I don't belive in the whole "looking across the classroom and seeing your soulmate" kind of thing, or "doing projects together and falling in love."<br /> <br /> I guess it just works however it's going to work. I've never expereinced anything great, so yea...
Alaya Hatake
#110383 • 2012-10-13 00:37:19
#110383
Well, I know what you mean. I'm engaged to this guy that I have loved since I was six and he was twelve. But the thing is that he broke my heart twice. But even though he did, I couldn't let go. And he finally one day showed up and asked, even begged for forgiveness. I didn't want to try again, I told him no. But then I watched him closely and realized he truly loved me. So I forgave him and took him back. He has been loyal since, but now the problem is that his mother knows that we are together again and my mother doesn't. I still live under her roof and then I find out that his mom is going to tell mine. I'm afraid. I don't know what to do
Shinobu
#107911 • 2012-08-14 02:08:16
#107911
I has the 'forever' with Wayne. I hate being without him. When we're together, everything is as it should be in me. But even the thought of him leaving for just the night tears me apart and I start to cry :c I don't mean to, but I do.<br /> I've known him since we were in 10 grade English class together (2008). We've been together since last November 23rd (He's got me saying the 24th XD); he asked me out while we were watching Fight Club. Ever since, we've been attached at the hip, except when I go to work. Sometimes, he'll walk the hour to my job just to see me sooner ;u;<br /> He's pretty much moved in with us; he has all his importaint stuff with him: his laptop, his XBox360 and clothes. Right now, we're trying to get jobs to move out so we don't have to bother either of our parents any more.<br /> The reason I'm posting this is because I've got to go spend (not even a full) 48 hours at my friend's house and she's mad at him and doesn't want him to come. I'm going to have the worst time of my life being away from him :c<br /> <br /> I know I'm clingy >3> I don't mean to be...
Growling Cupcake
#107448 • 2012-08-04 19:52:06
#107448
If you want to think about it in a long term sense... then go for it. What are you worried about? That it won't work out? That's something ANY relationship faces an issue with and if you end up thinking "This is only a short term thing", it's pretty unlikely to help at all. That said, before you throw major investments into it (moving to be with the other or giving up something important like a job/school/etc.) see if you're both on the same page and try to avoid planning around each other. By this I mean... don't move to a place solely for the other because you never know what could happen. Plan with each other but be independent enough. <br /> <br /> I'm with you on not having to meet them person physically to know how much you care about them or the like. While being able to hug someone, touch them, kiss them, etc. is amazing, that's secondary to who they actually are. Some issues, though, would be things like if he is as touchy as you or less, etc. For instance, my partner doesn't often like touch. And when it's warm, he hates it. That said, I am still welcome and encouraged to touch him when I want to (I'm very touchy) though I do try to compromise on this. Things like that do need you to be together.<br /> <br /> I'd also have to disagree with really knowing someone only when you've lived with them for a bit... Living together helps (and is something I think is a great thing for people to do) or staying over with the other helps. But if you know someone for years, visit them often, stay over at their place, etc. you probably start to learn their little idiosyncrasies as is. <br /> <br /> With my current partner, it's more or less always been long term for us, from the beginning of our relationship to now. We've known each other over 9 years, been in love for at least 8 years, been in a relationship... I don't know, 5? 6? years? It was very on and off and then we moved and long distance kicked in... it got complicated. We've been back to living close to each other for a year now, though, and it's still entirely a long term thing. We think about buying a home, we sometimes design it and plan it, holidays we'd like to take, things we want to do together, etc. It was a 'forever' thing when I was 16 (when we first fell in love) and it's a forever thing now, when I'm 25 and he's 30.
Mahou
#107230 • 2012-08-01 09:27:46
#107230
We've talked on webcam, voice chat, etc Demon. It's just a matter of, up until last month I did not have a job so I couldn't afford to see him. The date I set for meeting him for the first time is around November 15th, but I may see him next month - it all depends on when I get off work, how much money I have, etc. The only thing missing is physical touch, and I'm going to be honest, I am the type that thinks mental attraction has so much more worth than physical. But, that being said, I do think he has a hot bod :P
Demonscar
#107205 • 2012-07-31 19:16:33
#107205
I've been in the "forever feeling" before, kinda am now, even though my guy's quite confused since we've had a LOT of rough patches...<br /> <br /> But anyway, if you've known him for a year, yeah, I can see that as an okay time length for the feeling, but you've been dating him for a month and haven't but haven't seen him yet? I wouldn't make a "forever" decision without having actually BEEN with the guy first, you know?
