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The only really bad thing about my dad was how he always put others before me. And never spent money on me. We always had to save money when it came to me, but he would gladly borrow my best friend money for an ice cream when we went out to the pool but wouldn't borrow me any - the only time we went out to the pool ever. I've never forgiven him for that and never will. <br /> <br /> The other times I had to beg my friends and their parents to take me and sneak money for it somehow. But they stopped taking me when it became clear my parents would not in return drive their kids. <br /> <br /> As an autistic spectrum kid with lots of social issues to begin with, this basically killed all my friendships.

<i>"I remember whenever my siblings of I got out of line my father would beat us with a ladle. Or, if we were at our cabin, a paddle."</i><br /> <br /> Omg I used to get the spoon. I look back on it and I kind of laugh [not saying hitting kids is funny, it really wasn't.. and I'm not saying laugh as in literally ha-ha-funny] at how all my mom would have to do to get us to all run & hide was open the drawer to the spoon. Just that sound would send us running for under our beds lol

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My father was not a nice man when I was little. I remember being terrified of him all the time. My mother has always been very kind though. <br /> <br /> I remember whenever my siblings of I got out of line my father would beat us with a ladle. Or, if we were at our cabin, a paddle. <br /> <br /> Even now he makes it very obvious that he doesn't like us. And he rarely hits us anymore. Hopefully I'll be moving out soon though.

"I never really had any bad experiences. I'm just unlucky, I guess."<br /> <br /> what?

I am so sorry to hear that everyone has had moments they never should have. I am afraid I do not have much to prove myself to be reasonably depressed.<br /> <br /> But I am. It hurts me, I hurts to know that people have it worse, And I hurts to know that my friends only ever recognize me when I am crying or when I'm scratching my arm. I never really had any bad experiences. I'm just unlucky, I guess.

The choice to contact my father has been hard for me, for the past few months. I haven't seen him since I was fifteen years old, I'm now twenty. When I was three years old, I was put in custody of my mother and was not allowed to see my father. Reason being, he had sexually abused me; while I was staying with him for a week of visitation before his rights where taken away. I had spent halloween with him and his new wife that week while my mother was with her fiance, planning her wedding. I was terrified when it happened. While I was being abused my then two year old brother lay next to me in the large bed sleeping, my father and step mother never touched him that I can recall. But they did me, after they had left the room that night I hid in my closet and cried myself to sleep until they came back to get me the next morning. I wasn't able to call or talk to my mother after he had touched me, because he knew I would tell her and she would come and get me imediatlly. So I stayed the rest of the week and my mother came to get me once his week was up with us. I was hungry, starving when she came to get me because he never let me and my brother eat while we where there. So my mother stopped to get us something to eat on the way home. After we got home I told her I was hurting, and she took me to the bathroom to look, she saw that I was red and swollen where he had been touching me the previous day. She rushed me to the hospital to get checked out and they said they couldn't tell if I had been abused or not. So for the next five or six months I went to see different psycholigists about what had happened. I was scared most of the time when I was talking to them, and I would stay quiet for long periods of time. As I grew older I forgot what had happened to me, pushed the memory back and hid it from myself. I had always known that he had hurt me in such a way but could never remember it. But when I was fifteen I decided I wanted to go see him, so I looked him up and got in contact with him and I went and spent the night with him about twelve times before I decided I was tired of him pulling out a file filled with every detail of what happened in court because I was "manipulated" by my mother to lie and get him thrown in jail.. Now that I am twenty I am debating on trying to contact him to maybe see if I can have a relationship with my father, but I am scared. I've been having vivid nightmares of what happened to me when I was three for the past four and a half months. I don't sleep much because of it, and my sex life, well I don't have one because I am shy around men because of what happened and how often the images pop into my head of my father and step mother leaning over me and touching me in such ways... I want to one day be able to sleep without waking up screaming and crying because of what happened to me but I don<br /> t think it will happen any time soon...

Wow, this has got to be a tough decision to share these pasts.<br /> <br /> A few especially broke my heart..<br /> I'd have to say I'm a fairly lucky person in the way of how my life went.<br /> <br /> So thank you all for sharing your heart-breaking experiences whether it be a long lasting or brief few.

Why does he hate me so much... I used to wonder that day after day. he loved taking his anger out on only me, not the other two. a year ago i learned why. I had always been told i was an ill baby when i was born that i had to stay in the hospital extra long because i was sick. that wasn't true.<br /><br /><br />Truth was my dad thought two kids made his family perfect. he didn't want a third, he tried hitting my mom to get rid of me while still in the womb. that didn;t work so when i was born he tried first to put me up for adoption, he demanded my mom be kept from me till i was gone. but she got through and wouldn't let them send me away. Then barely months old he tried to trade me for a car. A mustang anyway. After i was finally old enough he resorted to yelling at me, nothing i did was the right way. he hated that third child. two was perfect. for 16 years he took his anger out on only me, the third. he tried strangling me, we got a restraining order against my own father. But the court said he had a right to his kid's. so we had to visit on the weekends no matter how much i begged.<br /><br /><br />When my sister stole $50 from his new girlfriend he stripped me down to make sure it was me who took it. but my sister finally confessed. he seemed disappointed.<br /><br /><br />When i was 16 he let his girlfriend start yelling at me and hitting me. the only thing i had during those last years with him was my dog, and they tried to take him from me. I slapped her back when she tried to take him from my arms.<br /><br /><br />For the first time in my life i fought back. I left that day and haven't looked back. Now my life is on track and i'm planning to go to college soon.

I dont understand why my dad says the things he does. Today we went and filled up propane tanks, put them in the back of the car & were driving home. My dad was about to light a cigarette when I said to him "dad, are you sure it's safe to be smoking here?" and he was all "yeah, why not" and I said "because I still smell the fumes in the car" and his reply was "oh well, ive lived long enough, I wouldn't care if we blew up, we'd all just be blood splatters on the windows". Then he fake-threw a match into the back of the car and made an explosion sound.<br><br>Made me really depressed today. I really wish he would stop. Whenever I confront him about it he yells at me and pulls the "I'm going to abandon you" card.