Envy suddenly let out a yelp and he fell onto the floor. He grabbed onto his side and there was a scratch there. Al looked up and there was a ghost hypogryff. It reared onto its hind legs and then flew away. Al turned and looked at Ava.<br /> <br /> "Ava....I don't feel welcome here anymore....can we go back? Suddenly, i feel like being sorted is a bad idea."

"They hate me here," Ava groaned. "I've been writing Dramione fic!"<br /> Sergeant Sprinkles whinnied.<br /> "Oh, right," Ava answered him. She shut her eyes, and immediately became several inches taller, willowy and blonde, and dressed in crimson witches' robes with a black, somewhat iridescent cloak. The fastenings on the cloak, as well as a signet on her right hand, depicted a stylized "D", a serpent, and a raven.<br /> "I forgot there for a a second," she said-- now in a British accent. "One of Aviana DeFontaine's maiden voyages in my fiction was in the Harry Potter world." She pulled a pale-colored wand from the pocket of her cloak, twirled it, and smiled. "Let's go get Sorted," she said. Then she tugged on her injured Hare ear and grimaced. "And maybe I'll see what Madam Pomfrey can do about this."

Al jumped off the unicorn and danced around. "Hogwarts, yes!"<br /> <br /> Envy gave another sigh, once again, and shifted his clothes into a hogwarts cloak. "I think this has to be one of the worst outfits ever, but at least I look semi normal."<br /> <br /> Al looked up at Ava. "Will we be sorted? I wanna be sorted!"

The flaming unicorn snorted and glared at Al.<br /> "Stop rickrolling us, Al!" Ava grumbled. She hopped onto the unicorn's back with Google--now a small, cuddly little something-or-other-- tucked under her arm. She was bleeding profusely from both ears, which had flopped down to dangle over her shoulders because her Rambo headband had been converted to a tourniquet for her left arm. Her right ear looked like something or someone had taken a bite out of it. "Sergeant Sprinkles, we've gotta get out of here before Chuck and Oprah get back up. Go!"<br /> <br /> The unicorn heaved a sigh and blasted away into the sky....<br /> <br /> ...and landed at Hogwarts.<br /> "Are you SERIOUS?" Ava groaned. She poked Al in the back. "This is your fault, you know!"

---

Al started humming while drumming her fingers against the side of the unicorn.<br /> "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down... OMFG Ava?! Is this Charlie the Unicorn?! I, like always wanted one!"<br /> <br /> Envy yelled in fustration and pulled out a piece of his hair. "How do I deal with this on an everyday basis?! No wonder why Pein is always taking care of you!"

"I knew it! They were demons all along!" Ava screeched, and shot at *NSYNC. "DIE YOU MONSTERS! DIIIIIIIEE!"<br /> <br /> Tseng turned around and left the Chamber without another word.<br /> <br /> Google roared and stomped on Envy.<br /> <br /> Sebastian pulled Al away from the transfigured boy band and tsk'd over her. "Al, I am supposed to escort you safely through this adventure. How am I going to do that if you insist on flinging yourself at monsters?"<br /> <br /> The flaming unicorn kicked Chuck Norris in the face and galloped over to Al and Sebastian. It whinnied, and glitter fell from the sky as a beam of light shone through its dramatically-streaming mane.<br /> <br /> "Quite right, Sergeant Sprinkles," Sebastian said. He set Al on the flaming unicorn's back and whistled at Ava. "Come on, Hare! The unicorn says it's time to go!"

"ooh, I wanna see! I wanna see!" Al squealed.<br /> <br /> suddenly, there was a hummingb behind the massive dust cloud. 5 figures emerged, and they were singing harmoniously. <br /> <br /> "Don't go in there,its totally seccretly bad@ss....Don't go in there, we have Lance Bass." Al screamed like a fangirl.<br /> <br /> "Oh em gee!! Its nsync! Ava, this is the best dream EVER!" She ran over to the group and flung her arms out, only to watch in horror as they transformed into hideous, disfigured creatures with blood pouring out of their eye sockets.<br /> <br /> "What the f-" Envy muttered.

Ava emerged from the fray and grinned at Al. "Looks like the rules... just got screwed!" she crowed.<br /> <br /> "Oprah did do the sunglasses move, Al," Sebastian explained. "She just did it too quickly for the mortal eye to see. She IS superhuman, after all. She's OPRAH."<br /> <br /> Tseng leaned against a wall nearby, watching the rainbow flashes and explosions with a bored expression. "For a Chamber of Ultimate Bad@$$ery," he opined, "this isn't very bad@$$."

Al started to feel as if she was teleported into Candy Land and Rick Astley was blasting in surround sound in her hand. Either she was going crazy, Ava was going crazy, or Sebastian had put a few drops of something -something in her drink.<br /> <br /> "Ava, I didn't think that Chuck Morris could roundhouse kick Oprah that fast. I thought there would be some sort of matrix scene in between when she dons on a pair of awesome shades. But of course, in a crazy world like this, that wouldn't happen." And with that, Al put on a pair of singlassed.

"SNAKES?" Ava shrieked. "I LOVE SNAKES!" That said, she scooped up a nearby cobra and gave it a big hug before throwing it at Envy's head. Then she vanished into the cloud of dust, screaming and waving her gun. Google loomed above the wreckage for a moment, gargantuan and fanged, before another explosion sent up a new cloud of dust which obscured it. The flaming unicorn whinnied musically and leaped into the fray. Bursts of rainbow-colored light began to light up portions of the dust cloud. Chuck Norris appeared out of nowhere, roundhouse-kicked Oprah in the face, and then bolted into the mess as well, hollering something about March Hares not stealing all the glory on HIS watch.<br /> <br /> Meanwhile, Sebastian smiled and winked. "I'm only here for the carnage," he explained. "There is usually plenty of it when someone sets Ava loose with no plot restrictions."